Bowl of Oranges

There's a Bright Eyes song that I recently listened to for the first time (gosh there are so many of them!). It's called Bowl of Oranges and it reminds me how important human connection is. I tend to cut myself off and whole up in my room after school. I often forget to interact with other human beings. And in a way this blog sort of reconnects me with humans but it isn't enough. I need real human interaction, and Bowl of Oranges has helped remind me of that thanks to these few lines:

"I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health
I said, 'I am terribly sorry but there is nothing I can do for you
That you can't do for yourself'
He said, 'Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help.'
So I sat with him a while and then asked him how he felt.
He said, 'I think I'm cured, no in fact I'm sure.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile.'"

Not only does it remind me to not keep to myself quite so much, but it also shows me how important it is to ask for what I need. In this case the doctor needed someone to just sit and hold his hand a while, and sometimes all I need is that too. I also need to remember how sometimes others need that too, or even just a smile from me. Sometimes I need to be the one holding the other.

There's another part of Bowl of Oranges that I like a lot. It goes like this:

"And your eyes must do some raining if you're ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem, and honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope."

Sometimes you just need to get it all out. I have a wall in my room in which I took a Sharpie and wrote different things on it (including the lyrics to First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes). One of the things I wrote on what I call my Inspiration Wall is "Cry If You Need To" because holding it in isn't very healthy, and crying can actually calm you down afterwards. All very helpful stuff in my opinion! I hope some of this is a good reminder for you too, and that maybe you'll remember to ask for what you need. Self advocating is so vital in this world, as is helping others.

Thoughtfully yours,
Liv Eckert

Beginner's Mind

I’ve been working on a seminar for my culminating in religion lately. It’s on divorce as a social justice issue. I’ve done a lot of research and discovered that the majority of kids, teens, and adult children of divorce believe that they grew up to fast because they had to compensate for what their parents couldn’t do. This new found knowledge reminded me of the song by Bright Eyes called 

“Beginner’s Mind”. It’s about holding onto your childhood and never letting go. Anyway, here’s some of the lyrics:

“Hold on tight beginner’s mind

The currents far too strong

It’ll carry you along

Till you’re just like everyone

Stay a while my inner child”

As a child of divorce, I can relate to it. However, I didn’t have to compensate. I was one of the few lucky kids who didn’t have to go through a messy divorce; the whole thing was done smoothly. And while, like any divorce, some things didn’t work out well, the majority of it was actually pretty easy going. But I still feel as though I almost grew up to fast. I say almost for a very important reason which I’ll get it in a bit.

I can remember very vividly saying to a friend that I wished I was 16. I was either 8 or 9 at the time. And it amazes me how at that age I wanted to grow up. I’m sure part of it had to do with the fact that I have an older sister, so I was well aware of the different things people get to do when they get older. But it still weirds me out. Why would I want to grow up? I don’t know, and I don’t plan on dedicating a lot of time to find the reasons because I could care less as to why. This brings me to why I said almost. I still have a large part of my inner child.

I rediscovered my inner child when a few years ago while playing with my cousins. They are a few years younger than me and we get along well. One day at the cottage my grandparents were renting we were playing in the forest near it. We decided to make fairy huts using moss, and twigs, leaves and tree stumps. It was so fun! It sounds a little silly but it was honestly one of my favourite times with my cousin. Later that day, we took the paddle boat out to one of the really small islands in the lake. They had named it Magic Island, and it stuck. We all call it that. In fact, every island has a name: Magic island, White Fish island, Bear Isle, and Three Tree Isle. Back to the point, Magic island was just that, magical. There were blueberries on it, small paths through the few trees and bushes on it, and it was even tucked away in a little cove where there were lily pads everywhere. One of the rocks had moss on it in the shape of a smiley face so naturally we called it smiley face rock. There was a side of the island that was flat rock and that’s where we’d park the boat. That summer was epic. We played on the islands for hours and made fairy houses everywhere. We picked blueberries to put on ice cream for dessert, and ate our breakfast on Magic Island before anyone else was up. It is one of my favourite summers (besides the summers when I was little playing with other cousins at a different cottage). And while it was so fun, that’s not why I love it so much. I love it because it showed me how important it is to not worry about growing up, to be the age you are and even play like you’re younger. Those cousins always make me happy. They remind me how fun it is to just play pretend and use our imaginations.

All of this reminds me of the commercial I’ve been seeing lately on TV. It’s about how kids want their Wildhood back. To play outside till it gets dark, to use their imaginations, and to not be stuck inside or hovered over by parents. When I was little, my sister and I played with all the kids on the street. We were all various ages but we got along and would organize giant games of manhunt, or soccer, or football and play till the street lights came on. It was so fun. We live right by a big park so when we were younger we’d play there too and our parents would be doing their own thing at home or where ever. It wasn’t because they were bad parents; trust me when I say my parents are awesome. It was because they love us so much that they knew how important it is to have a Wildhood. And my cousins helped me remember to keep my Wildhood alive no matter how old I am.

So this is my ultimate challenge this summer, and I’d love it you joined me in it: Rediscover our Wildhoods, and do one thing a day that ignites it. We aren’t young forever, but our minds are, so let’s feed them, and enjoy it all while we still can!

The Big Picture

“The Big Picture” by Bright Eyes is a cool song, with the best opening line. Similar to how it sounds, it’s about the big picture. Here’s the first line:

“The picture is far too big to look at kid. Your eyes won’t open wide enough.”

I really need to remember that line, especially in the coming year. The thought of not keeping up with my friends who are mostly all off to university or college has crept up on me. But it’s not about keeping up with the societal norm. It’s about setting an appropriate pace for yourself and working towards a goal. That goal for me is a Masters in library science, and I won’t get there by rushing.

However, sometimes that goal is really big, and you can’t just look at where you’re headed. It’s a little too far off in the distance, or like Bright Eyes says, “the picture is far too big”. So in this case, I’ve got to look at where I am instead. Right now I’m in the library, and while that was taking the idea of looking where I am in the literal sense, it also lends to the fact that right now I’m in high school and so I have to work on finishing it. In order to get to the library of dreams I have to finish high school. Thus, taking a look at where you are is in fact getting you toward the library of dreams. Or whatever your dream is, not just libraries.

There are two other Bright Eyes songs that spoke (or rather sang) to me yesterday while going on an adventure with my mom. We were driving somewhere out in the country, I think near Floradale, when “Weather Reports” came on. This is one of my favourite Bright Eyes songs. It’s so calming. Anyway, there’s a part that I really like and applies to me right now:

“I tried to get my head clear

It’s too full of ideas that I haven’t thought of yet

All in time, clocks keep waving their hands

Doing all that they can to get our attention

But the days fly away down a clean interstate”

This is a really cool way of saying how in the future some of can really be, so focused on what’s ahead that we miss what’s happening now. The same can be said about the past. However, like Bright Eyes says in “Happy Birthday To Me (Feb. 15)”, “Some things just can’t wait”…like going to the bathroom. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

I took out two books from the school’s library today. It’s my favourite place in the building. I’ll be reading The Brimstone Journals by Ron Koertge during the day. It’s pretty short and is a verse novel so it’ll go by quick. Then when I’m done that I’ll be reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, a classic by Ken Kesey. I’m eagerly awaiting both of them. Libraries have such a wonderful environment, and I want to be able to keep it going for others in the future so that they too can take out a few books here and there and enjoy their time at the library. Have you been to your local library lately? What have you taken out? Let me know in the comments below!

Thoughtfully yours,

Liv Eckert

We Are Nowhere And It's Now

So I'm sitting in room 109, the student success centre in my school, and am currently listening to the song “I Watched You Taking Off” by Bright Eyes (of course) and can’t help but think how spontaneous this whole song feels. If you don’t know the song, because it isn't all that popular, it’s got this wind chime sound and there’s rain against pavement, and this eerie screeching kind of scream that happens every so often. I can’t help but think how perfect this song is. It’s grey outside and so that is fitting with the sound of rain in the song and the screaming is most definitely me expressing how much I want out of high school. I'm ready to graduate and be out of here.

It makes me wonder what kind of society we live in that condones the want to grow up before you’re ready for it. Really I mean that when I was 10 years old I was dying to be 16. And I think I missed out a lot of what has happening around me since I was so focused on what wasn't happening at all. This makes me sad for little 10 year old me, which I guess is self-pity and I've been trying to avoid that lately. But outside of me and my world it makes me sad that so many little kids are dying to be older than they are, dying to skip ahead years to be someone else. Why can’t we just live here and now and be satisfied with that? Maybe we aren't doing things to satisfy the need for newer and better things, which is why people grow up too fast.

The fact that 10 year olds now have cell phones is beyond me. Who are they texting? Do kids that age text? Or do they prefer to call? Do they have minutes? I feel like and old fart right now. Perhaps I'm an old soul after all.

I think we all need to listen to this one Bright Eyes songs called “We Are Nowhere And It’s Now”. Here are some of the lyrics that I think are really important:

“In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we've been in between the past and future town
We are nowhere, and it’s now
We are nowhere, and it’s now
You took a ten-minute dream in the passenger’s seat
While the world it was flying by
I haven’t been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime”

I could go on and on about how important this song is let alone every Bright Eyes song because I love them so much, but I’ll spare you the details. We live in the now when we are happy. And in my adventures of trying to navigate the world, my main goal is to be happy. This song to me says that if you’re going to dream in the passenger’s seat, make sure you’re happy about missing out on the stuff that’ll be rolling by. At least that’s what I'm taking away from this. That and to live between Past and Future towns. 

Anyway, I was living in the now a few minutes ago before I sat down to write this and saw a kid almost get close lined by the branch of one of the trees in the forum at my school. It happens more often than you’d expect. It is moments like those that I am thankful for my smallness. I can walk under the branches with plenty of clearance. Go short people!

Thoughtfully yours,
Liv Eckert

The First Day Of My Life

As a grade 12 student it is pretty typical for me to be getting ready for university or college in the next few months. That is what I'm supposed to be doing, isn't it?

All my life I have been taking the different approach to things, the detour if you will. And here I am, yet again, taking a detour - this time a much needed one - as I prepare for not post secondary education but instead a gap year. A year to take in the sights of my life and figure out what it means to be alive.

I'm hoping you'll take this exciting, maybe messy, and most likely odd journey with me as I figure out who I am becoming and what it's like to live life in a world that I am unsure about. As I step into the adult world of job searching and managing money, I am hoping to discover something secretive: a truth unknown to high school students, a truth that could save me from the terrifying abyss that high school has become.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Liv Eckert, 18 years old, Pisces, and so over high school. I'm ready for a new adventure, so here we are.

No I am not quite done high school, although I might as well be. I have been ready to leave high school since I entered it, and in preparation of finally being free, I have decided to create this blog to document my adventures* through life after what so many teens believe to be the biggest and most important part of their journey - high school.

*by adventures I really mean oddities I find in life as my bum knee limits my ability for real adventuring. But who knows, perhaps this will be an adventure in the figurative sense!

So here are 10 things about me.

1. Rainy days are ones that I cherish as they allow me to enter the realm of possibilities that books provide.
2. My graduation quote in the yearbook will be "I was only here for the library" because that is where I've spent most of my high school career, at least the parts that I've enjoyed, anyway.
3. Bright Eyes is my preferred choice in music.
4. I firmly believe that I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson changed my life.
5. At night I dream of zombie apocalypse scenarios and they bring me joy.
6. My mom is quite possibly my biggest fan and I couldn't ask for anyone better.
7. Weirdness seems to gravitate toward me and that is quite alright in my books.
8. My sister tempted me to call this blog my "Fiery Diary" and I almost did.
9. High school has brought me my closest friends, and for that I am ever so thankful.
10. This is quite possibly the first day of my life.

Thoughtfully yours,
Liv Eckert